Sometimes I say it here, whatever it is. It’s a whisper into the wind that maybe catches an ear or two. It’s of no real consequence. Ok, maybe it’s of little consequence, but only to me. But I need to…well, at least I find it helpful to, write things down. Helps me work it all out, ya know?
I wonder about words like “whore” and “wrong.” About what the measure of success is. Where the concepts of grief and jealousy came from. Is grief learned? Or is it born into the ancient parts of our brains? Jealousy feels so primal, like it’s hardwired into our DNA, unless you’re one of those miraculous people who does not suffer at the gaping maw of jealousy. People who don’t watch themselves aging and wondering if it matters enough to try and recapture youth, or just let things happen naturally. If you do fight it, what exactly are you fighting? Being seen as old? Losing your sex appeal? Sex and love is for everybody – not just for the young and thin among us.
It was an up-down sort of night. Emotions were observed, like cards in a deck. Choir singing, lost friends, found adventures. Smiles and stories from the young and old alike. Laughing friends. Storytellers. Moments my heart listened to – either for the better, or the funny little hurts that inform it.
I’m so sleepy. Going to try and go to bed now. Off you go, whispers–see if you can find an ear.