Quiet a Spectacle

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I will hold you, quietly. I can be still long enough to listen to your pain. I’m not good at being still. You know this. You know. I think that’s why my embracing still moments mean so much to you … because you know.

I had an epiphany about myself yesterday. A realization. And it was such a simple answer, I was certain I must have realized it some time in the past. I thought about the times I’d been embraced by somebody, only for them to get close long enough to see my utter humaneness, and then walk away. I thought this meant I was bad at love. Now I realize it’s more about the ideal of me not matching up with the reality of me. And you never did that to me. You always understood. It’s amazing to be truly seen that way.

The essence of it all? You understand why the things that matter to me–matter to me. You also understand that I am an embodiment of celebration. Even my quietness can be a spectacle. I think that comes off like obsession, or possessiveness, to some people. And in all truth, I was possessive in my first marriage. I was jealous in that life I once led. I was a teenager when we met. And that was a difficult twenty years. I grew in that time, particularly starting around my early thirties. I know the difference between excitement and jealousy, between celebration and possession. I know it for myself, even if others don’t. And you know, maybe that’s why I can appreciate the abundant trust I am now the recipient of, because I know how rare it is.

I’m trying to get over that fear of being misunderstood. You really help with that, did you know? Because even though I’ve read that Anaïs Nin quote a million times, it really sunk in yesterday. It isn’t that my love is wrong, it’s that my love is viewed through the filter of others. It’s about the way they experience my love that makes it work, or not work. Its about their past relationships and what they learned.

Maybe at some point I can stop writing and vlogging about being afraid to be misunderstood, and that will be the measure of when I am cured of that concern.

 

My First Review

Here is the very first public review I’ve received on Red August, ever.  This mini-review is from @abibliophilesbookmark on Instagram and it is based on the 1/3 of Red August you can read for free on Smashwords.

MyfirstreviewAug102015

 

A Little Behind

I have to giggle like a third grader at the title of this post.

Anyway, I’ve been out of town finishing some fashion and accessories work and shooting photos.  That’s something I do when I’m not writing.  Which I want to constantly be doing, but it’s not practical.

I went down to Virginia Beach for Mother’s Day week and visited my daughter who modeled my creations.  She had a friend come over, too, and she did some modeling as well.  It was nice to have a visit.  I’m happy to be back at my writing desk, but adventures are good.  Don’t you think?  In any event, it’s put me behind here at home – but only a little.  I’m catching up today and I have to say, it’s going a-okay.

I’ve had so many ideas flowing through me for additional books in the Red August series that I just can’t wait to get down to it.  I have to clear some of this boutique stuff off of my plate first though.  But I do want to say that I try to enjoy everything while I’m doing it.  I don’t always want to be looking to the next thing as what is going to be the best and most happy thing.  I am happy making jewelry and shooting photos.  I am extremely happy writing.  I hope that the joy that I get from doing these things are imbued on the objects I send out into the world and the projects I sell to support myself.  I want them to be as wonderful to receive as they are to create.

“Red August” continues to be on schedule for the August launch date.

Thanks to everybody who supports my work!

Here is a sample from the photo shoot.  You can find my designs at GypsySiren.com.

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